Dumb And Dumber

PHOENIX -- Local anecdotal evidence, like Diamondhacks and the Bidwills, has been piling up for years, but Morgan Quitno, a Kansas based research firm, scientifically confirmed today that Arizona is the dumbest state in the union.

Tom Horne, Maricopa County school superintendent and Harvard man, appeared eager to confirm the report's findings at his press conference:

"Morgan Quitno is the stupidest company in the nation."

Like Horne, we're hardly qualified to add anything intelligent here, so as Arizonans, we'll give it a shot. We have no quibble with Vermont being ranked way ahead at #1. They have Ben & Jerry's - we have Ken & Jerry. They have green mountains, Arizona has Dennis Green - who ran Edgerrin James up the middle thirty six times for 55 yards against the Bears. Point for the Granite State.

What chaps our hide is how in the world stupid, stupid Nevada, at #49, can possibly rank above the Grand Canyon state? Their leader is Wayne Newton, who cant seem to manage a simple thank you in English, whereas Sandra Day O'Connor speaks several languages, often in the same dissenting opinion. Ask yourself this. If you had been done a terrible injustice, which required a swift whacking resolution, whom would you call? The Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court - or this German lounge lizard?  Moreover, the last time we visited Vegas, so called "businesses" were practically giving away shrimp cocktails for $1.99. These "geniuses" even forgot to charge us for drinks. We dont mind saying this oversight happened several times. Yet we're the dumb ones. Yeah, righhhht!  Whatever you say, Kansas.