This is the best time of year in Phoenix. Woke up this morning and the thermometer read 65 degrees. Just a couple weeks ago it was ninety at sunup, a daily reminder to brace for that afternoon’s highs in the cruel teens – but today, I instinctively remembered that our home had windows, opened a couple, and let the house breathe for the first time since May.

It’s been a while since Diamondback fans have inhaled fresh air like this. Playoff air. Tempted by postseason hope and the unrealized promise of Saturday night fireworks, cajoled with reduced price ticket promos and cooler tempertures,  valley fans filled Chase Field over the weekend to witness the Reds Beat L. A.

…Beat L.A.

…Beat L.A.

As many obsess with magic numbers in the season’s waning week, now is the perfect time to look beyond those cold probabilities at the tangible matchups that will actually decide teams’ fates.

What We Know

Because the wildcard wont come out of the Central, we know that five teams are fighting for the remaining three playoff berths. Mets, Phils, Dbacks, Padres and Rockies.

We know that at least one of the Western teams will be left out.

The third thing we know is that these teams play 32 games and only three of them are against each other – AZ @ Colorado in the season finale. 

The fourth thing we know is that the Mets and Phils play their remaining games at home and the Padres and Diamondbacks play all their remaining games on the road. 

What We Think

While the Diamondbacks certainly control their destiny and are strong favorites to reach the NLDS, there may be reasons for some concern here, beyond ultra conservative Nervous Nelly-ism. When Dback fans scoreboard watch, most of them look at the Padres first.

The Padres play four in Milwaukee against a motivated division contender that is 47-27 at home. While it’s true Milwaukee’s not a great team and they’re not playing all that well now, that’s still the best home record in the entire National League – better than the Mets at Shea. They’ll have big crowds. And the Padres, after a nice little run, arent exactly burning down the house. Beyond Peavy, both Maddux and Chris Tall Young have faded significantly after terrific stretches, and there’s not much in the rotation after them. Their best hitter, Milton Bradley, had another blowup and is out for the season.  I’ve always respected the Padres – I just think they’ll have a tough time getting anything more than a split at Miller Park.  The good news for them is they drop into SanFrancisco on their way to Milwaukee, where the Barry-less Giants are the worst scoring team in the league and appear to be providing little resistance. All in all, a Padre run of six or seven wins seems really improbable, with three or four wins more likely.

Unlike many Dback fans however, we dont see the Padres as the paramount threat to our postseason hopes. The Mets simply arent gonna collapse against the Nats and injury riddled St Louis at home. Not with Pedro and Glavine and Maine and Perez. It’s just not gonna happen. I dont see the Phillies catching them. The Phillies construct of smashmouth hitting and a woeful staff doesnt thrill us at this time of year, but like the Mets, they finish at home before big, loud crowds, opening with the Braves in a very tough series between two similar clubs. The Braves open with lefty Chuck James and Tim Hudson (16-9) and the Phils counter with Moyer and Lohse. You’d think solid advantage Braves, but not so fast. Moyer and Lohse each won recent decisions against Atlanta and the potent Philly lineup lit up James and Hudson like rag dolls in their last four combined outings. The final game pits Smoltz against Eaton and we think Atlanta has that one in the bag. From there, Philly hosts an underrated but overmatched Nationals squad. Conclusion: We dont think the Phillies taking four or five of their final six is unreasonable at all.

Perhaps the most interesting team is the Rockies, winners of 8 straight. They’re the farthest back right now and the idea they could finish with thirteen or fourteen in a row strains credulity. They start in LA, throwing Jimenez, Fogg and some kid named Morales against Penny(16-4), Lowe and Loaiza. You’d think that’d spell doom for Colorado, but earlier this week, the Rockies beat LA twice with Jimenez and Fogg starting and the Dodgers lost twice with Penny and Lowe.  Lowe got lit up and while Penny hasnt pitched that badly, he’s whiffed only 17 batters in his last seven starts, walking nineteen. He’s just not dominating anyone right now. Furthermore, that 21 year old Morales kid hasnt yielded an earned run in 17 IP, which includes W’s over the hard hitting Phils and Marlins. The Dodgers are out of it, their fans are angry, their team’s in disarray. The Rockies will miss Billingsley. Maybe the Dodgers will rebound, I dont know. But we wouldnt be shocked at all if the Rockies just rolled over LA in Chavez Ravine, angry Angelinos booing the home team into submission. The Rockies wrap up at home against Arizona, where Colorado sports the NL’s second best home mark.

The Dbacks, of course, have three games in Pittsburgh prior to the trip to Coors. Davis, Livan and Webby versus Snell, Matt Morris and Maholm. The Pirates have dropped nine straight, but they’re at home and Snell’s a pretty good pitcher. Morris has given us some trouble in the past. Gotta like Webb v Maholm. The problem is, if they drop two of three in Pittsburgh, the Phils take two of three from Atlanta and the Rocks kick the Dodgers in LA, they’ll be finishing the season in a big time hornet’s nest in Denver. With the season on the line. Without Webb.

We realize that’s a lot of "ifs" and isnt the most likely scenario, but folks who think this is already in the bag are mistaken. The Diamondbacks dont need to do a whole lot to reach the NLDS. That’s true – but it’s imperative they do something. Something in Pittsburgh.  Because if they dont, they will most likely be required to do something in Denver. With the season on the line. Without Webb. Against a very hot team in a very cold park.

And those newly opened Phoenix windows may quickly close in that Denver chill, shutting out more than merely fresh air.

( photos courtesy of experiencela.com and safehomeproducts.com)

Let’s face it. The Diamondbacks are easily taken lightly. Petco Park normally averages more than 34 thousand fans per game, yet in the heat of an alleged pennant race, an average of fewer than 26K have bothered to pass thru the turnstiles to watch the first place Diamondbacks.

And that disrespect may apply to opposing teams as well as their fans. As August comes to a close, one cant escape a feeling that the Diamondbacks finally ran into an decent opponent who took them seriously, who viewed the Dbacks as a threat rather than a rookie laden statistical anomaly.  In hindsight, every game felt like the veteran Padres would purposefully find a way to pull out a victory on their home turf – and they did. This was no Boston Massacre, to be sure – the games have been close – but when stuffless Justin Germano bests All World Brandon Webb in the big game, the series outcome takes on an inexorable quality.   

The bright side is that most of us in the preseason would’ve been thrilled to be tied for first with one month to play – and ahead in the wild card. As sides go, that’s pretty bright.  The dark side is that we’re also approaching familiar Bob Melvin territory, where his teams fall down at the slightest hint of postseason play, as if they’ve been shot.  To be fair, previous BoMel teams never positioned themselves to even play a halfway meaningful game – this team has. Even if the current NL is very down, even if the AZ W/L is a fluke due to negative run differential, that’s a valid distinction. This team is here. In the mix.

The real question is, where do they go from here. 

We all knew something had to give. Either our ‘league best’ pitching was likely to regress down, or the league worst hitting was going to improve, or a combination of both. The San Diego series suggests that the pitching may turn their corner first while the youthful hitters take yet more time to figure things out. Time will tell.

Bandwagon fans fuss that the offense "has left us" at an inopportune time, but anyone who’s followed this team all year knows the offense, in any meaningful team sense, was never here to begin with. This was the league’s worst offense, whether Quentin or Upton (or Salazar) manned right, whether Tracy or Reynolds played third, whether Snyder or Montero caught, or whether CoJack or Clark manned first. Blaming individual players, depressing situational statistics or firing the hitting coach merely deflect attention from the structural fact that the Diamondbacks lineup was destined to struggle if not fail outright, studded as it was with too many young hitters not yet capable of consistently producing runs. It’s not a coaching problem. It’s a roster problem, that should be laid at the feet of this front office.

While 2006 postmortems pointed fingers at Craig Counsell’s specific lack of production, that squad’s fundamental offensive drawback had less to do with anyone in the lineup as it did with who was not even on the roster. Conor Jackson and Orlando Hudson were the team’s best hitters, with Eric Byrnes close behind. That’s the problem. This is the major leagues. That’s not good enough. After much analysis and offseason pitching deals, we once again find ourselves with an offense led by Eric Byrnes, Orlando Hudson and Conor Jackson, only this time it’s the worst offense in the entire league, despite the fact that each of these three "stars" are, rather improbably, enjoying back to back career years.

It. Is. Not. Good. Enough.

GM Josh Byrnes and his team vastly overprojected 2007 offensive production. Give him credit for spending a good pitching staff into an excellent one, but the man who crafted the sixteenth rated offense in a really bad National League is also the guy who threw out preseason comparisons with the 1966 Baltimore Orioles and Indians juggernauts of the early 1990s. Perhaps Mr Byrnes overlooked the part about obtaining Frank Robinson?

Which brings us to our second front office criticism. In preseason, ownership indicated they had sufficient cash stashed away to make a significant upgrade before the trading deadline, in the event the team was a ) contending and b) could identify a pressing, actionable need. Well, that scenario played out to a tee – except for the part about actually funding the promised upgrade. The Dbacks are the definition of contenders, several games ahead in the wildcard race. And what could be a more obvious, pressing need than improving the league’s worst offense?  Isnt the easiest problem to start making a dent in the broad based failure, lending itself to wide ranging, flexible solutions? Yet, as the trading deadline crept by, GM Byrnes observed that he was primarily in the market for a pitcher and that other teams he’d been in contact with didnt seem very motivated to trade.

With all due respect to the financial limitations imposed upon Mr Byrnes by this ownership group, and with due respect to Mr Byrnes’ intellect and character, that sounds to us like an organization happily resigned to pursue this year’s pennant with underwhelming zeal. Where winning is taken lightly, and failure to do so, will ultimately be blamed on underlings or outsiders.

In a highly anticipated, sparsely attended series that generated more fan sunburns than actual energy, the doddering Los Angeles Dodgers apparently took time out from tai chi and shopping for headstones to rather comfortably take three of four from our Contending Team-in-Training.

Comfortable is a relative term. Wednesday evening, the roof was open after a scorching Arizona day. Derrick Lowe and Brandon Webb both appeared to suffer from heat rash, their shade of crimson necks and foreheads rarely seen outside the first few rows of a Lee Greenwood concert. Didnt seem to effect the sinkerballers though – both pitched very well, leaving all but African American batsmen even more red-faced than they.

A disconcerting thought for D*Back fans was the unmistakable impression, demonstrated earlier this year and confirmed in this series, that LA’s young guys are simply better than ours. Seeing James Loney swat about Chase Field, one can appreciate just how inadequate Conor Jackson really is. Russell Martin, a catcher for God’s sake, outhits any of our shock troops.  Matt Kemp and Tony Abreu also made important contributions. Wilson Betemit, all .195 of him, by virtue of his walks, homers and SoCal surroundings, has a higher OPS+(99) than half of Arizona’s starters. And Betemit cant even crack LA’s starting lineup.

L. Emilio Gonzalez is something to behold. It’s not that he reached eleven times in the series, or that his 134 OPS+ leads the Dodgers (and/or the coterie of Dbacks charged with replacing his Gonzo-ness). That’s surprising on it’s face. What’s astonishing is that he accomplishes this absent any ability to hit a 83 MPH fastball down the middle of the plate. Mr Doubles, who "insisted" on batting third here in town, now appears to be channeling Matty Alou in the box. OK, OK, he does have 10 homers, so he teed off on somebody, but against the Dbacks his swing looked as sluggerish as Alou or David Eckstein, meekly spoiling pitches he couldnt handle, which appeared to be just about every single one.

Speaking of the Dodgers, Our Lady of Traffic appeared on Best D*m Sports Show last night and started right off discussing her MLBlog, shattering any suspicion that Ms Milano was unaware she actually published one. That, and the fact touch em all hasnt posted in eleven days tends to discredit the ghostwriting charge, although like any child actor, Milano has spent most of her life deceiving entertaining people, so one can never be entirely sure. This is, after all, the forthright soul who insisted her blog "wasn’t about publicity".

I didnt care much for what the shy and retiring Ms Milano wore on the show either, and mention it only because her rather gauche top was part of the same line as other aricles this reporter has previously found "resplendent" and "bubblicious". Alyssa’s televised garment, a Dodger shirt, was overwhelmed by showy blue shoulder straps vaguely reminiscent of a sophomore’s Home Ec yarn project gone awry, perhaps something Lisa Loopner would’ve worn to fend off the advances of Todd.

Diamondhacks will be in California in three weeks and seven hours to escape this hellish sun. Our lucky youth brigade has beat us to it, tonight in Kellia Kountry, under the Giant Coke bottle. Several Giants, due to their ages, are already Hall of Fame eligible. Given the pitching matchups (Lowry, Morris & Lincecum v Livan, Davis & Owings), the visitor’s job this weekend is to not get swept.

Surprise us!

(images courtesy of culturekitchen.com, fsu.edu and www,soanyways.org)

What did we learn in the Phillies series?

• We played em at the right time, with Howard hobbling. 
• Eric Byrnes, Tony Clark and Orlando Hudson hit 4 homers in three games vs very mediocre pitching.
• Diamondback youth hit zero homers – and little else – against the same staff in a homerdome, and now is the time for Kevin Seitzer’s role in their collective non-development to be acknowledged and altered.

The 8 neophytes – Drew, Young, Callaspo, CoJack, Quentin, Hairston, Montero and Barden – have acumulated 613 at bats. Together, they’ve hit nine homers, four by Chris Young. The cumulative .223 batting average is bad enough, but pales next to their .327 slugging % – which includes all those doubles they’ve been legging out.  For perspective, Tony Womack slugged .356 lifetime, Counsell .349.

Did we learn anything about Randy?

• Best case, he’ll record his first win about a quarter of the way thru the season
• The bite in his slider is coming back
• He benefits from – and exploits – big strikezones.
• He’s consistently missing spots

The Diamondbacks embark on a sixteen game swing today that represents the easiest segment of this year’s schedule – at least on paper. Three games in Pittsburgh, sandwiched by 7 games against the Astros, a team that actually hits worse than Arizona, and a home n home against the stumbling Rockies.

This apparent windfall was preceded by a particularly tough patch of opponents, admirably survived, at 10-13(.434). What can we look for over the next sixteen games? Unlike the past few weeks, consider more of the up and down brand of .500 baseball a regression. This is an opportunity for Arizona to make a serious move in the standings, with a 10-6 or 11-5 mark. In my view, anything less than 9-7 fails to meet this team’s implied expectations.

Yahoo’s Jeff Passan has a terrific article on former Dodger Mike Marshall and his iconoclastic quest to prevent pitching arm injuries by deconstructing and reinventing the pitching motion, somewhere on the outskirts of Tampa.  Secretive and kooky, Marshall might be the kind of nut worth listening to. When he won the Cy Young Award in 1974, he pitched 208 innings, injury free.

In relief.

(photo courtesy of mlb and sptimes.com)

You tell a fan nothing, other than his favorite starting pitcher expended 100 chucks through five frames, and the appropriate response ninety nine percent of the time is a wince. If your favorite pitcher is Livan Hernandez, however, this information should be met with the query,

Yeah? How’d he do?

Hernandez, did one better than the 100 in five gig, spinning 121 pitches in fifty seven varieties over six innings, yielding a dozen total hits and walks, and resulting, somehow, in just one run. Sure, he was lucky, the beneficiary of a fine bases -jammed, two out headlong snare off the shallow LF grassblades by Eric Byrnes, but he was also devilishly smart, pitching away from batters’ strengths, and setting them up for failure when he desperately needed an out.

Most pitchers who work slowly with high pitch counts are maddening to watch because there’s rarely a method to their madness..no advantage or discernable purpose to their mound marathons. But Livan is different, a poor man’s Luis Tiant with a pinch of Tom Glavine, he acutely understands his own limitations…and those of his opponents, and is stubborn enough to pitch off that knowledge rather than pretend to be the kind of pitcher he clearly is not.

Livan may not be The Most Interesting Man In The World, but I could watch him all day, which is close to how long it usually takes. 

A day after gushing about the D*Backs offensive potential, and their comebackability versus established hurlers (Zito, Wells), our scarlet O’Haras laid down against Brad Penny and friends, eking out a lone run, even that generated by Andre Ethier’s dubious play of Eric Byrnes soft liner into a triple.  And this afternoon, they’re scoreless through six against basketball player Mark Hendrickson.

So, maybe we ought to rethink this whole "praise" thing. Perhaps we’ve been too nice to Bob Melvin too, heaping kudos for his unconventional insertion of Orlando Hudson into the three hole, when we should be berating him for leading off Chris Young and batting Carlos Quentin down in the order. At this point in his career, Young is a terrible leadoff candidate. He’s woefully inconsistent, doesnt reach base much, most of his offensive value is in his power and he hardly ever GIDP. Other than his baserunning, he’s the last guy you want leading off. Furthermore, his entire minor league career, the one in which he’s not once hit .300, gives absolutely no indication that he’ll reach base consistently any time soon.

Quentin, on the other hand, has a better than solid minor league history of high OBP,  fueled largely by a dynamite isolated averages(OBP-BA). And he’s clearly and consistently carried that over to the majors with hardly a blink, despite being plunked just once (his specialty) so far and barely starting to hit. In all of 2006, the entire Dbacks team had six instances where a player drew three walks in a game – four instances, if you dont count intentional walks. Again, that’s for the entire team.  Carlos Quentin had a pair of three walk games, by himself, and it wasnt over a year…it was just this week! So Bob’s been batting him sixth, seventh and today moved him up to…sigh…fifth, while Chris Young, on pace to draw thirty walks and have the lowest OPB among starters, once again leads off the run deficient festivities.

Not the way to win games in a low run environment like Chavez Ravine. All other things being equal, if Quentin and Young had flipflopped last night, the Dbacks would’ve won the game. Let’s hope Bob’s myopia regarding his team’s best leadoff option doesnt lead to yet another loss this afternoon.

(photos courtesy of Francis Specker/AP)

Coming back from a middle inning commerical break, as a thrash cover of Elton John’s Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fightin’) (intended to rouse multiple demographic groups) blared, the camera slowly panned over a moribund Chase club level section, illuminating an entire row of inanimate, unsmiling fans – reminiscent of an MVD seating area or a dentist’s waiting room.

The embarrassing juxtaposition was funny enough, by itself, before Daron Sutton, in his best Brennaman vocce, solemnly intoned:

"Saturday night in Phoenix – you go to a baseball game. That’s what you do."

Well, 32,147 did go, on Orlando Hudson bobblehead night, and saw our scarlet O’Haras whup the Nawth right good…oh, actually, as we eked out yet another nailbiter, 5-4, courtesy of  Scott Hairston’s pinch hit 3 run homer in the seventh. 

Jose Valverde was credited with his tenth save, after yielding a barely foul Ray Durham rocket deep into the right field corner that would have tied the game. Later in the same AB, P. Grande yielded a 405 foot grande scorcher that barely missed putting his team behind for good, but found Chris Young’s grande glove instead for the contest’s penultimate out. Even better than good.

After David Wells outpitched Randy Johnson on Monday, the Arizona Chameleons have reeled off four straight since, against an impressive run of opposing starters. Peavy, Young, Zito, now Cain. Well, not the starters exactly; Tony Clark knocked Chris Young around, but Peavy, Zito and Cain dominated the D*Backs more or less as expected. Arizona’s staff has kept their team in the game, affording teammates late inning opportunities to exact meaningful damage versus rival bullpens.

While Jake Peavy approached all time strikeout records, Brandon Webb quietly gave up just a pair over eight full innings. Livan, after a tough first frame, pulled his string on the Padres, allowing Tony Clark to take care of the rest. When Barry Zito scuffed the rubber, Doug Davis pitches his best game since Sept 5th, when he shutout the Dodgers. And on Elton John’s favorite night, as Cain disabled his Arizonan brethren in Old Testament fashion with just one hit, Edgar Gonzalez, Dustin Nippert, Tony Pena and Jose Valverde limit the Giants to four runs, enabling Scott Hairston’s off balance, one armed fly against Vinny Chulk to actually make a difference in the standings.

This 14-11 team now flirting with the division lead has still allowed more runs than they’ve plated. This, despite the fact that staff peripherals suggest an influx of runs based on current pitching performance (ie too many baserunners, too many homers, etc).

The good news is that, one month into the season, the newbies are in the game. Unlike previous Bob Melvin teams, when they’re down 4-2 in the seventh inning, one gets a feeling the game’s not quite over. Youthful foibles are balanced by good, often less noticed virtues. This paradox is perhaps most embodied by Carlos Quentin, whose cartoonish first pitch hacks have contributed to an all too visible .147 average. But he’s somehow also walked four times in his last two games, scoring twice and batting in a run, by being considerably more selective later in the count. Chris Young, also batting under .200, not only catches Durham’s threatening drive in the ninth, but makes such easy work of it(ie not diving) that the potential tying run on second (Winn) cant even tag up to third.

While focus has understandably been centered on the Stephen Drew, Tony Clark and Scott Hairston homers, attention must be paid also to Chad Tracy, Carlos Quentin and Miguel Montero for reaching base, morphing solo homers into three run difference makers. Perhaps the difference between the Giants and D*Backs was best captured by Montero’s slow dribbler that agonizingly escaped the aged clutches of Ryan Klesko and Rich Aurelia. Or how, Alberto Callaspo, our second string shortstop, gunned down Giant runners at first all night like, well, a first string shortstop.

This team has a bench. Whether it has consistent, ready starters and a staff that can sustain its early excellence over a six month gauntlet are still open questions, ones we’ll discuss shortly in our annual, end of April seasonal predictions.

(photo courtesy of Matt York/AP)

The usual suspects are claiming they "called" Drew’s game winning shot off Trevor Hoffman last night, and as outlandish as that might seem, it’s really not. During Drew’s AB, even I casually remarked to my son:

"Drew could end it right here, or Quentin behind him."

No big deal. That’s not the same as "predicting" the homer – but it was also more than blithely stating the metaphysically possible, as if Hanley Frias was at the plate. Despite two strikeouts, Drew hit the hardest ball off Peavy all night, a gapper to left center flagged down by Mike Cameron. Hoffman, who’s not nearly as dominant in Chase Field, was exceedingly careful with Drew in the ninth, considering Tracy had just walked. Hoffy nibbled on the outside edge, falling behind 3-1 before finally missing inside for the gamewinner. It certainly could have ended differently, but one didnt get the feeling Drew was overmatched against The Greatest Closer in History.

Hoffman has now yielded 3 homers in his last 5 innings inside our cozy hangar, and while that’s probably an anomaly ( his career allowance is one homer per every eleven innings), it’s worth noting that Drew’s line drive barely cleared the fence and would’ve been an out in many venues, including Petco Park.

That doesnt mean it doesnt count – it counts plenty – it just underscores how much more vulnerable Hoffman, or any pitcher really, is in our bandbox. Same thing for Montero’s homer – and Sledge’s – all outs in alot of parks.

No complaints about the postgame celebration last night. You walkoff against Trevor, you get to smile, pump your fist, toss your helmet and get mobbed at home plate. That’s the rule – even if it’s April. Especially the way Drew snatched victory from the clutches of doom. It’s a pleasure to watch the guys’ genuine, youthful, over the top enthusiasm after an improbably huge win. Just turn it down a notch during the game, fellas.

It’s an old joke that batting coaches like to sidle up to hitters in the dugout immediately following home runs to earn a little camera time, and dammed if Kevin Seitzer wasnt draped all over Drew on The Kid’s giddy walk from the dish to the dugout step. Understandably, everybody’s jubilant, but this wouldnt be the first time we’ve rolled our eyes at Seitzer’s self promotional zeal.

All that aside, this could be a big boost for such a young club’s psyche. In a game filled with frustration, angrily thrown helmets and near humiliation (Sutton and Grace were basically laughing at Arizona’s ineptitude v Peavy all game), the lesson learned is :

Now matter how bad things seem, no matter how overmatched you look, baseball rewards teams that play in the moment, not those trapped in the past or future.

In that vein, our game MVP could easily go to Drew, whose "moment" stole the game as well as headlines from Peavy and the pitiful attendance. Or perhaps to Chad Tracy for enabling the win with a base on balls when things looked bleakest. Instead, we vote for the man we feel most responsible for the win: Brandon Webb, who quietly kept a percolating Padres offense in check while Peavy was plastered all over mlb.com. It’s vintage Webby, lurking in the shadows, ho humming his team to another victory.

And this one, for a recently freefalling team and their disillusioned fans, came none too soon. 

  ( photo courtesy Matt York/AP)

On a night when two historically popular purple teams, neither in need of a fan base, electrified a frenzied crowd next door, the adjacent doors to Chase Field appeared to be almost closed on fans, excitement, and indeed, hope.     

Only 19,508 customers paid Diamondbacks’ prices to witness future Hall of Famer Randy Johnson’s publicized homecoming, a credit to local discernment in light of another shellacking at the hands of the Padres, our homeboys’ fifth loss in a row.   

Johnson threw 97 pitches over 5 torturous innings, but appeared to tire well before then. MLB scribe Barry Bloom dutifully reports:

Then he [Johnson] "hit a wall," as he neared the 100-pitch mark, said manager Bob Melvin…

This is wildly inaccurate speculation, as noted slugger Jose Cruz Jr slammed a solo homer off of pitch # 66, after which Johnson, who walked four and hit two, never recovered.

Uncharacteristically, the FSNAZ telecast did not display pitchers’ radar readings, although Nick Piecoro reports Johnson’s fastball generally fluctuated amid the low nineties. He struck out seven, including pitcher Wells, automatic out Kouzmanoff, and whiff machine Marcus Giles, twice. This was an average, at best, lineup, which teed off betwixt the strikeouts to inflict more than sufficient damage.

The Gangly One was squeezed by HP umpire James Hoye a couple times, but not nearly as badly as Johnson would have you believe by his truculent theatrics on the mound. Unlike his simulated spring dog shows, he was wild high most of the night and missing spots all over the place. He wasn’t getting "squeezed" as much as the facts he was wild and that pitchers who throw 96 get "breaks", as it’s harder for blue to track the flight of the ball. Johnson’s fussing, along with two intentional walks to 8th place hitter Rob Bowen, serve to underscore the limitations of our new ace in the hole.

We anticipated the Padres would bunt the wobbly 43 year old to extinction, but why even bother when you can hit him like a rag doll instead. Bunting might be a better strategy against someone like Matt Cain or Russ Ortiz. 

Last night’s winner, David Wells:

"He’s got me quite a bit," Wells said of Johnson. "It’s nice to be able to put him through the ringer."

Perhaps lighthearted, perhaps not, but serves to counter breathless claims about Johnson’s big advantage returning to a league he’s familiar with. Same goes for the hitters all too eager to even up old scores with the fading superstar.

Perhaps most troubling is our Ace in the Hole’s ambivalent reaction to last night’s implosion:

"I thought everything went pretty well," said Johnson, who struck out seven. "It’s not the way I would have written things up."

Pretty well? Makes you wonder what the goal here is, exactly. If the objective is to pad your personal strikeout totals and collect a paycheck, I’d say it went pretty well, too. If the goal is to pitch lousy and not have a stadium full of rabid New Yorkers turn up the heat, well, "mission accomplished" there.

Please dont ask too many probing questions, Phoenix, everything is progressing according to schedule, with your old "ace".

In the hole.

(photos courtesy of Rick Scuteri/AP and www.bballx.com, and interbasket.net)